Why so many NLP ‘Experts’ DON’T walk their talk!

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly of NLP! Here it is, plain and simple: NLP is easy to learn!

Many people become interested in learning NLP for various reasons. For some it’s personal development or healing; for some it’s to sharpen their coaching, therapy, teaching, leadership or public speaking skills; for some it´s an exploration of what makes us tick as humans and what extends our potential; for some it´s to gain powerful skills that can be used to influence and persuade others.

What motivates people to learn NLP could be anything, which means that unethical people may see opportunities in this, and therein lies the reason why so many NLP ‘Experts’ are not in alignment with and working according to the NLP Presuppositions.

Technician or Practitioner/Trainer?

Since NLP is easy to learn, anyone can become a NLP technician. A NLP technician is someone who has little or no interest in being of service to others or helping people excel, but is more interested in using NLP to manipulate people or to generate business with it. These could be people who have just read about NLP, or have done some formal NLP training, or they may even be certified NLP Trainers themselves. Believe it or not, there are NLP Trainers who care more about their back pocket than they do about their students. They teach or use NLP incongruently, or primarily as a way to generate income.

Don’t worry, NLP technicians are easy to identify, here’s what to look out for:

  • They don’t walk their talk…
  • They may use NLP to manipulate, influence and persuade others against their will
  • They are easily stressed, unsettled or ungrounded
  • They have personal and/or professional relationship problems
  • They habitually indulge in food and/or substances that are damaging to their health
  • They may often be unwell due to burnout or negligence of their health
  • They are not good listeners
  • They try to be smart, boast or one-up in their communication
  • They try to convince you to buy their product or service
  • They are self interested and generally ego driven
  • They don’t demonstrate alignment with the NLP Presuppositions

The kind of person described above is someone who says one thing and does another. They may even be good at some NLP skills, but they don’t earn your trust. NLP technicians are not aware of their deeper potential and/or appreciative of what connects us as human beings. This awareness is, however, clear to anyone who has mastered the NLP skills and lives in alignment with the NLP Presuppositions.

Genuine NLP Practitioners and Trainers can be identified as people who:

  • Walk their talk…
  • They respect each individual’s values
  • They have other people’s best interests at heart when using NLP
  • They are calm, approachable, warm and friendly
  • They are stable, balanced and emotionally intelligent
  • They are at cause in their relationships (as opposed to being at effect)
  • They are in control of their behaviours
  • They are mostly well and energetic
  • They are good listeners
  • They treat everyone equally
  • They encourage you to find your own best answers
  • They naturally inspire people
  • They have a genuine interest in adding value to the experience of others
  • They apply the NLP Presuppositions when using NLP and aim to live in alignment with them.

NLP technicians pull strings, ethical NLP’ers build relationships based on trust. NLP technicians do the things that NLP skills and presuppositions are designed to help people overcome.

NLP is a powerful psychological tool, but like most tools, it can be constructive in the hands of some and destructive in the hands of others.

Genuine NLP Practitioners are people who are certified by genuine NLP training providers. They have not only read books on the subject or done bits of online training. They appreciate that NLP is about people and they are inclined to reach out and make a difference. Those who have mastered NLP use their skills ethically and congruently, no matter where or with whom they are using their skills.

Perhaps being able to model excellence and replicate it (which is central to NLP), doesn’t mean being able to live it all the time and everywhere yourself. Even the founders of NLP are not flawless, and so aren’t many well meaning NLP Practitioners and Trainers, but that doesn’t mean they’re technicians and it’s not a reason not to be even more curious about the brilliance of NLP.

In summary:

NLP is easy to learn, but those who learn it for this reason are likely to be NLP technicians. Those who learn NLP because they want to enjoy greater control and freedom over their own state of mind, responses and interactions with others, and especially those who care about the wellbeing of all living beings are likely to be authentic and trustworthy NLP’ers.

See here for more information about NLP.

Written by Jevon Dangeli – NLP Trainer & Coach

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