“One of the greatest discoveries of our time is that a people can alter the state of their life by altering the state of their mind.” – William James –
You can only choose thoughts, feelings and behaviours according to your current perceptions. Yes, we do choose our thoughts, feelings and behaviours, although mostly unconsciously. The more conscious we become of our inner maps of reality, the less we are controlled by them and the freer we become.
Changing your perceptions about yourself and others while maintaining a flexible point of view affords you the freedom to make empowered choices in all situations.
Problems occur in our personal and professional relationships when we get stuck in our point of view. All human beings (and all living things) are interconnected in the web of life. It’s the perception of separateness that causes us to project our internal perceptions about ourselves onto others, typically resulting in conflicts and suffering.
The best a person can ever be in our presence is a match to our internal representation of them. The picture in our mind that we hold of another determines our attitude and behaviour toward them. Therefore we experience their response to our mental picture of them. When we can change our perceptions of people and things, we will begin to see changes in them. In other words, when we make a change within ourselves the world outside us changes accordingly.
In a conflict situation first interrupt any tendency to react. The Cool, Calm & Collected technique is great for this. Then aim to see the situation as much as possible from not only your point of view but from the other person’s point of view as well as from an observer’s (or fly on the wall) point of view. Your ability to shift awareness between all 3 of these perceptual positions is the key to overcoming conflicts with people.
Adjusting your thoughts and feelings by means of allowing yourself greater perceptual awareness enables you to become more empathetic, accepting and flexible in your relationships. This doesn’t mean that you stick around in an unwanted or abusive relationship. It means that you become empowered to act from a broader perspective. You become able to choose more wisely what is in your best interest and move in that direction without resentment, negativity or any sense of loss.
Applied Open Awareness helps you to see the bigger picture, and from that broader view choose what you want to focus on and how to engage in that situation. This frees your mind to see everything in your life as meaningful and it equips you to respond ecologically – beneficial for you, others, and the world (win-win-win).
Written by Jevon Dangeli – MSc Transpersonal Psychology, Coach & Trainer
