Thoughts and feelings about things we like have typical distinctions; so do thoughts and feelings about things we don’t like have typical distinctions. To gain control over your thoughts and feelings all you need to do is elicit their distinctions and then change those distinctions into those of the thoughts and feelings that you would like to have.
Here’s how this works:
- Think of someone who intimidates or annoys you. Bring a picture of that person to mind in whatever way they look when they are irritating or annoying you. Hear them say what they say in that situation. Pay attention to how this makes you feel.
. - Now change the distinctions of your internal representation: Imagine the picture becoming very small, distant and blurry. Add a cartoon feature to their face, like big nose or ears.
. - Hear them say what they say, but give them Donald Duck’s, Mickey Mouse’s, or Goofy’s voice.
. - Pay attention to how you feel differently.
. - That’s it. Now do something else for a few seconds and then think of that person again and notice how you feel different about them.
Any child can do this, so can you. Realise that trying to change others so that we can feel more comfortable around them is mostly futile. When you change your internal representation of a person, the way you feel about them changes and so does the way you respond to them.
Written by Jevon Dangeli – NLP/Hypnotherapy Trainer & Coach, MSc Transpersonal Psychology
